When I was young and impetuous, I would behave as if I didn’t care what anyone thought about me. If my experimental style of dress was an eye-sore, then look away. If I offended with my words, it was not on purpose, so I was not apologetic. Get a thicker skin. If my wild behavior was embarrassing; then don’t hang out with me.
When I was in college, I was especially experimental. And I was educated now too, so I thought I was kind of “The Sh*t”. I even remember priding myself on taking on any dare…as long as my mortality was not at stake.
While my exterior may have suggested confidence and a care-free attitude...anyone who has taken Psyc 101 (or watched Oprah)…would know that it was an attempt to find myself…and cover up any insecurities that I was not willing to deal with.
So here I am, 20 years later, and I still don’t care what you think of me. But for a different reason.
I only care what God thinks of me.
My journey toward this peace I feel in the loving-kindness and mercy and grace of God, is not one that I am ‘fully’ aware of. But it IS a result of actively searching for something to plug the little empty hole inside that He placed there specifically for the purpose of seeking Him out . But I do know that geography (Southern California) played a part in introducing me to New Age ‘religion’, Buddhism, and probably a few other things. And that I was very drawn to the 8 fold path:
I still reflect back on this teaching as a Christian, because I desire my behavior, my speech, and my thoughts to all be geared toward what will make God proud of me.
How can I be a living extension of God’s love?
How can I be light in a dark world?
How can I be more like Jesus Christ?
Although this is my focus, I don’t always live up to it. I can still be short with people. I can be hurtful. I can be neglectful.
But I still don’t care; because I recognize that I am human (not perfect) - and that I am sinful in nature. Unlike the Buddha’s teachings that attracted me in my youth and searching, my goal is not Nirvana.
My goal is to follow Christ; and in so doing, arrive at the Pearly Gates of Heaven to be enveloped in the merciful arms of God who will say to me:
What I am learning to live out now, is that you can be the person who doesn’t care what others think, but who cares deeply about others.
Kind of a mind flip. Kind of cool.Add Comment